Help Wanted: Supreme Court Justice

David Souter announced his retirement

Job Title: United States Supreme Court Justice

Job Description: The duties of this position are living, breathing, and evolving; often at the whim of courts around the world. Typically the position involves interpreting the Constitution of the United States of America based on political beliefs and emotion and applying said interpretation to cases before the Court.

Qualifications: Candidates should have at least 5 years experience as a jurist within the United States of America. Having an ACLU card is strongly encouraged but is not necessary. ACLU membership requirement will be waived for candidates experienced in deciding cases in favor of groups such as ACORN, unions, the Gay and Lesbian Coalition, Planned Parenthood or any state or municipality looking to take over private property via eminent domain. The ideal candidate will possess the intellectual ability to disregard common sense while at the same time sounding brilliant.

Perks: The United States Government offers a generous compensation package. Benefits include lifetime tenure - barring conviction or impeachment.

Application Process: This just got a lot easier. With a near fillibuster proof majority any qualified candidate (see above) would surely pass muster. Please submit curriculum vitae to the White House.