Best coverage of Obama presser came from a drunk dude

I missed President Obama’s latest health care press conference. I’m just not in the mood to watch the re-run so I decided to surf the web to find the best coverage. Thankfully there’s some drunk guy on the west coast who not only watched the presser but reported on it. By far the best coverage I could find. I guess you have to be drunk to understand Obamaspeak. I recommend reading the whole report, but if you’re short on time here’s an excerpt.

5:25PM Follow-up: “Isn’t this a fight inside the Democratic party?”

5:26PM Answer: Dude, Republicans, suck, right? Entire Press Corps: [Nodding enthusiastically.]

5:28PM Jake Tapper: “Experts say… there is going to have to be some sacrifice…”

5:29PM Answer: “They’re going to have to give up paying for things that don’t make them healthier.” Just like with public schools, EVERY FREAKING GODDAMN DOLLAR goes to education. Or, you know, maybe not so much.

5:30PM Blue pill? Red pill? Is this The Matrix or Dr. Suess?

5:33PM “The American people are understandably queasy about the deficit… trillions here, trillions there…” and then more talk about the Republicans. You know what? Last weekend, Obama explicitly said “give it to me” on responsibility for the economy. I know his promises have an expiration date, but couldn’t that one have made it until, I don’t know, Friday?

5:34PM I saved almost two billion dollars on defense yesterday! So gimme 300 billion for health care, mmmkay?

5:35PM “We inherited…” Please see my 5:33 comment.

5:36PM Dude Who Looks Like a Younger, Soberer Chris Hitchens: “What kind of pain… are you calling on beneficiaries to make?”

5:38PM Clever. On the sacrifice question, Obama started talking about Republican-approved reforms. The buck stops… to the right.

5:39PM Blonde Lady: “Are you fulfilling your promised on transparency?”

5:39PM Answer: “We have a lot of meetings.”

5:41PM Brunette Lady with the Brady Bunch Part: “Would you support a fee on risky activities?”

5:42PM Answer: We’re going to enact a 4.6% surcharge on the incomes of people who get drunk and have unprotected sex with strangers. Or with cloven-hooved animals.

5:43PM There’s a chance I’m drunk, but I swear I just heard Obama say he was going to tax stuff until the economy starts to grow again.

5:45PM Oh, my — Obama just said that the solution to government-created moral hazards is to impose more government. I need another drink, stat.

Thank you, Drunkenblogger! It was a long day and a long evening and I didn’t have it in me to watch or listen to Dear Leader tonight. Thanks to you, now I don’t have to. Cheers!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009 at 11:11 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.